that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
