At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
