Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
