I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You have to summon your inner elephant
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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