So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
