It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
