I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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