I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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