I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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