she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
