I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
