Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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