if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
