in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize