Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
