woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
