so that wasnt chicken after all
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
