he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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