Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
