Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
