fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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