you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
