Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So much rum. So many feels.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
