do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
