He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
