Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
