dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
