how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize