I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
