just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
