i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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