At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's rum buckets o'clock
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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