you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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