So drunk its hurt
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
