Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
