Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
