i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
