i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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