dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
