I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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