I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize