Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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