He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
