The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
