The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
