What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
zippers are such a cool invention
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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