My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize