mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
