please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she looked like the before picture.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
