What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize