So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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