it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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