Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
