how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
