Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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