Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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