saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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