I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
