I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize