Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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