Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
