i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
