i think my tv is drunk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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