she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
