He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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