Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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