My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Randomize
