There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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