I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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