he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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