I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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