ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
