Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
