grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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