apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize