I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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