I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
