He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
