so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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