wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
