turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
