I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
