Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
