In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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