i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
