i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
