If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
