YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
