No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
