Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
