I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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