So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
