you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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