i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
