Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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