are you still at the devil's house?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
