the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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