and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
