that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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