I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
