There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
