You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize