Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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