Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
