Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My ATM looks so different sober.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
