Dual....:-)
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
