forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sarcasm needs its own font
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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