i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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