apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
