Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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